Discussing the problems many people encounter in real life, such as dissatisfaction with oneself, pain from their family background, marital troubles, work-life conflicts, and more. I asked a case study to try an action they have never tried before within the next week, exploring 5% of new possibilities, and then provide me with feedback on the results. New actions bring new experiences, and when those experiences break the inertia, change gradually happens.
Can Work and Dreams Be Balanced?🤔
Uncertain, but we can only move forward. Work is a significant part of life.
It is not just about making a living; it inevitably involves questions of “Who am I?” and “What kind of life do I want to live?”
Thinking through these questions is not easy.
The lesson of self-awareness that was lacking during adolescence often needs to be relearned through work.
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One of the values of the workplace lies in its practicality; it does not provide much shelter for fantasies.
Being in the workplace, it is inevitable to receive realistic or even harsh feedback.
Your rewards depend on how much recognized value you provide; self-fulfillment has little significance.
On the other hand, the workplace allows for autonomy. Within the boundaries of rules, everyone can find their own way of operating, and different talents, characteristics, and value preferences may be encouraged.
Young people sharpen themselves here and gradually understand: I cannot become someone else, and fortunately, I don’t have to become someone else.
Here, there are various aspects of life: some resist change, while others yearn for something different; some want to be seen, while others fear being seen; some want to take a break, while others worry about going too slow…
Regardless of the ideals, they need to be gradually shaped through the grind of reality.
Reality is the path beneath our feet, but does this road lead to the distant place that is envisioned in our ideals?
Should I quit if I don’t want to work overtime?💼
Question✏️: I have a major dilemma recently, which is “when should I quit my job?”
The current job is one I chose for myself, and it’s also my first job after graduating.
Because I found the job content easy and interesting, I chose to overlook some drawbacks (low salary, forced overtime, limited promotion opportunities).
However, when the novelty of the job wore off, the drawbacks (especially the overtime) became prominent.
I simply want to live my own life, make ends meet, and take care of my family more. I don’t want work to affect the quality of my daily life.
But the company culture encourages overtime. Even after the mandatory overtime hours are over, my colleagues stick to their chairs and refuse to leave, making me wonder if they have a “can’t remember the end of work time syndrome.”
At first, I used to leave on time, but after being indirectly hinted at by my superiors a few times, even though I was frustrated, I made some compromises (playing on my phone for ten minutes after work before leaving).
I’m certain that I won’t stay in this company for long, but when should I quit?
When the situation goes smoothly, I think this job, apart from the overtime, doesn’t have any unbearable drawbacks. If I switch jobs, it might be even worse. So, it’s better to stay for a couple more days.
And I absolutely hate job interviews.
Although my family supports me changing jobs, I have never opened a job search website to look for relevant information. I’ve always been crying and complaining about quitting, only to go to work the next day grumbling.
Sometimes I even want to be a stay-at-home person, but without the constraints of work, I’m sure I would live a very decadent life, yet I really want to be a salty fish.
In this vast world, is there no place where a salty fish can happily play?
Answer✏️: I have a suggestion that might help you clarify your decision-making process
However, it requires a little effort from your family, so ask them to cooperate.
Give a piece of paper to you and each family member, with the following questions listed, and ask them to provide simple answers.
- Do you want ╳ ╳ (your name) to come home earlier or later in the future?
- If ╳ ╳ always leaves work on time in the future, what time do you prefer her to be home? Are you willing to have her at home all day?
- How do you want ╳ ╳ to spend her time outside of work?
- If ╳ ╳ has to work overtime every day, until what time can you accept her working? Or is it acceptable for her to work until late?
- To support ╳ ╳ working overtime, what are you willing to contribute the most?
The answers don’t have to be lengthy, but try to be as specific as possible and write down clear expectations.
Even if it’s “not supportive” or “don’t want to do anything,” it’s fine.
But there must be an attitude, such as “I’ll listen to her” or “she can do whatever she wants, and I’m okay with it.”
It’s important to see the needs of that person (family member).
Collect the responses from all family members (including yourself) within a week.
After reviewing the answers, reflect on whether you have any new ideas.
Please provide feedback on how these thoughts can influence your decision.
Feedback✏️
After expressing this not-so-big yet bothersome concern, although there wasn’t much response and I didn’t expect any, surprisingly, my work situation improved. I measure my work status by what time I arrive at the company in the morning: if I rush in just before the deadline, it usually means there’s some conflict with recent tasks; if I arrive early, it shows that my curiosity, anticipation, and enthusiasm for work have not yet been exhausted.
This state continued until yesterday when my boss called me for a one-on-one conversation, which took up the entire morning. The topic was about putting in more effort for the company, learning from colleagues in other departments, and so on.
Although I had to maintain a smile on my face, I felt like the bottom line of “work should not affect normal life” had been crossed, and I was boiling with frustration.
After discussing with my family, I decided on a plan for the next six months, including when to resign, what to do after resigning, and when to start looking for a new job.
Even though I made the decision to leave, I still felt tumultuous and melancholic inside. It felt chaotic because this is my first job and it’s the first time I’ve handed in my resignation.
The next morning, I received a reply from Teacher Li, as if I had received a precious piece of advice. It gave me some clues, and it was easy to follow and complete. I also urged my family to answer as required (hahaha, I can be quite bossy).
The questions were simple, and from everyone’s answers, it was easy to see what they each wanted. However, after figuring out these seemingly simple questions, I became a bit confused. I originally wanted to take a couple of days to ponder and provide feedback, but I felt that my current state of confusion might also be a form of feedback.
Let’s start with everyone’s answers. My father, mother, boyfriend, and even myself all hope that my work follows a nine-to-five schedule, with the evenings free to do things I’m interested in.
In addition to this, my mother hopes I have more time to spend with her, my father hopes I have the time and ability to work with him on a business venture, and my boyfriend hopes to come home to a hot and delicious dinner prepared by me.
The question is clear, and the answers are obvious, but instead, it seems to highlight certain vague things.
I still don’t know what those things are, whether my thoughts about them will lead to any conclusions, and where those conclusions will take me.
Looking back at my family’s answers, everyone’s needs are clear, whether it’s companionship, working together, or cooking. The only exception is myself, who wrote a bunch of things I have been delaying because of being “too busy,” but it seems there’s nothing else.
And those things I’ve been delaying, even if I have to work overtime, I will eventually get through them. It’s just a slight difference in quality and quantity.
The question that suffocated me before graduation now seems to be standing in front of me with a gentler stance: What kind of person do you want to be? What do you want to do in your life? What kind of person can you become? These are big and abstract questions, so whether it was back then or now, I choose to take it step by step.
In recent years, I seem to have been striving to be slacking.
I’m not sure if I gave up my dreams and be slacking or if I was always pretend to be a cat, and now I’m returning to my true self.
I still seem to have some passion and strength. Perhaps slacking is an excuse to protect them from being frustrated, or maybe I am more willing to channel this passion and strength into areas beyond my career.
Everyone’s response was that they didn’t want me to work overtime.
But I know my own limits, or rather, where the line is: I can occasionally work overtime, but not more than two hours per day.
For this, I’m willing to prepare some snacks and breakfast for myself, take care of personal affairs, rest early, and take good care of myself.
These are just a few of my thoughts today, a bit verbose, but I consider it as my feedback.
Reader’s comment✏️
In my social media fan page, more than one reader commented on my Q&A series, saying:
“Just by writing down and clarifying the questions, half of the problem is already solved.”
Indeed! No one can really solve problems for others; it’s the individuals themselves who find the solutions.
I have received many questions regarding whether to quit, switch careers, or change jobs.
Of course, I don’t have the answers to these questions.
Just like the confusion of this particular case, ultimately, it can only be answered by oneself. What I can do is to give a push, encourage her to think, discuss with her family, or even try something new.
While each person’s answer may be different, there are some common principles I want to make clear: the most important thing is not to repeat the same thought process.
If we keep going in circles with the same mindset, we won’t have fresh ideas, and the problem will remain unanswered.
Find a way to introduce some new information, which means doing something you have never done before.
Here, listening to the thoughts of family members is an attempt.
Of course, directly resigning like this particular case is a bolder experiment.
When I say “experiment,” it means it is not a lifelong decision.
Many people can’t make up their minds because they desperately want a “final” answer.
But where can we find such an answer?
What we think this year may be different from what we think next year. Each time is just a phased attempt.
Try first, and the result will be revealed. Time will naturally tell us the answer.
Relax and make changes if necessary.
So, another premise of experimentation is safety. Prepare some cost for trial and error.
Lastly, it may be worthwhile to ask for family members’ opinions.
Some say that choosing a job is a personal matter, so why listen to others? It’s simple because we are just listening, and it doesn’t mean we have to obey their will.
However, we can’t deny that our comfortable life also involves the participation of other people.
Honest Feedback✏️
Looking back at my past writings, I feel that the young girl from two years ago was so innocent and enthusiastic, filled with thoughts and expectations about her current life and future.
Although I pretended to be a lazy and unmotivated person on the surface, I was actually very serious.
After resigning from my job, I spent several months at home, living a rather decadent life.
Later, my father couldn’t bear to see me like that, so he called me back to our hometown and arranged a job for me under the pretext of “helping Dad.” Since it was just to help, I started without any burden.
After a while, my dad raised higher expectations, and I thought to myself that it made sense. After all, who can resist money? In order to earn more money for the future, I invested more in this job. And then my dad gave me some “well-intentioned guidance”… After a few cycles like this, I realized that I had boarded a thief ship and didn’t want to get off.
This job seemed to really match the results of the survey at that time.
It was located very close to home (sometimes I could even work from home), allowing me to spend more time with my mother and, to some extent, work with my dad. The workload wasn’t as heavy as before.
The work hours were from 8 AM to 5 PM, quite regular. As soon as the clock struck five, my colleagues in the office disappeared in the blink of an eye, running faster than me. It was unbelievable.
After work, I had ample time to spend with my family. I could voluntarily work overtime to learn and improve in my job. I even developed a hobby—drawing.
Magical changes happened, and the only reason was that I changed my environment. It made me marvel at the malleability of human beings.
Therefore, I have gradually forgiven my previous self, who was a salty fish and lost for many years because I feel that it’s not just a matter of willpower.
The environment we are in, the social support system, our mental state, and experiences at that time are all important variables. Sometimes, not being enthusiastic about work doesn’t mean I did something wrong; maybe the weather that day was just too dull.
Of course, the new job is not perfect in every aspect. For example, the job content is something I had almost no previous experience with and not interested in.
At the beginning of starting work, I felt great resistance within me.
Furthermore, considering what I am currently doing, it’s not something that is irreplaceable. I still need to continuously learn and develop my core competencies.
In addition, my poor husband (who has upgraded from boyfriend to husband in these two years) has not fulfilled his dream of coming home to a hot meal. Now it’s me holding the chopsticks, drooling, waiting for him to cook for me (he’s really miserable).
In conclusion, after going through all these ups and downs, I have come to understand myself better.
Two years ago, my situation was similar to what I encountered in junior high school—a brand new city, a new social environment, a new field, and independent living.
Back then, I forced myself to adapt to the environment, transforming myself inside and out (spiritually), and achieved conventional success. I got into a good university. However, deep down, something felt off.
I don’t want to become a workaholic. I hope to have a life of my own alongside work. I believe that working hard and enjoying life are not mutually exclusive. Now and in the future, I will strive to maintain balance.
That’s enough for now. After all, I’m still at work. A little slacking is just fine.
3 Key Points To Get Moving Now🌟
If you always lament that despite hearing many truths, your life is still not smooth, or if you tend to overthink but struggle to take action, then what you need is not grand theories but to get yourself “moving”!
The actions that most people are willing to try should be both new and not too difficult to accomplish. This is what we call “disturbance” – a well-balanced “stimulus” that makes it easier for others to embark on different attempts.
You don’t need to achieve 100% change all at once. The changes you make should be as small as possible, almost imperceptible. These tiny changes will generate a chain reaction, just like a snowball rolling and gaining momentum to keep going! With extremely small but unusual actions, you can break the inertia and deadlock of the status quo, opening up new perspectives and igniting greater changes.
The key to change is to take a new and unexplored path of exploration. To make “disturbance” effective, there are three key points:
- Don’t quickly agree that others have problems.
- Maintain respect for others.
- The changes attempted by individuals should be as small as possible, almost imperceptible.